… is my favorite greeting. Because it makes me feel glad that I am still alive and you are still alive with me. An overwhelming amount of thankfulness washes over me, letting me appreciate what it is still there to live for and makes me to still wonder what it is there to discover in this new day.
I sat there watching burning charcoals;
Took a deep breath full of roast and burn
Thinking how long can I stay like this?
Assuming, convincing myself that I have moved on…
So I still do not know if I should participate on the VERY FIRST Bloggys…. soooo… yeah. I think I need to explain what Bloggys is, right?! Well Bloggys 2015 is a nationwide blog awards that recognizes Filipino bloggers in various fields of interests. Yes, all nifty and neat like that with an actual awards ceremony on a fancy place. Like A REALLY AMAZING PIECE of recognition man!
Thus, YOU now have the power. I am leaving it to you. So if someone is really reading this site AND you think that you like the content AND if you think that I am worthy to be nominated AND you want to nominate this blog; you can click on the image above and nominate this blog on Bloggys 2015.
Advance Thank You goes out to you if you’ll nominate my blog!
Thanks a lot!
See you on my next post~!
I was attempting to paint roses, because I have this huge obsession on wanting to watercolor one for the longest time, so yesterday I tried on painting one and it turned out to be great! (Not that I have not practiced a lot on painting them yesterday too because heck I have a ton of scratches with only roses on them hehe!)
So yes, the piece above is my brain working on being frustrated with watercolor roses and some angst-y lines that pops in my head once in a while AND my “pasmado” hands trying to write artistically, steadily, legibly.
I hope you all liked it. =)
He stands tall and smiles around
Don’t got teeth but laugh out loud
I remember him gentle
But definitely strong
But it clouds sometimes when I whine
I miss the days when he lifts me up
Cooing as my eyes start to water
He tells stories, encouraging to spark dreams
I miss the days when he is here
When everything is still near possible
I do not believe impossibilities then
I face each day head strong
Knowing that there is someone who believes
I wish I can have the outlook of that man
Exuding the positiveness that he managed to posses
Seeing the glint of light in dimness
He thought me to chuckle in tears
Stand up when I’m down
– but what about now?
I am lonely and down
Catching falling debris all around
– grabbing matches, seeking candles, igniting flames
I wish I am half as good as he is
as half as proud as he is
as positive as he is
as head strong
as that man I used to know
I’ll make it up to you someday grandpa,
I really promise~!
I always try to tune out
but they always grab me to tune in again
I wish I could just tune out
– turning off everybody’s brain as I walk and think of me first
This is the problem I have
– wanting to get away form everybody for once and think of me again
I want to tune out for life
I want to tune out forever
I want to just be me
– trashing this TV antenna inside every person
I want my own cable TV or a satellite dish
I want to tune out and mute out every single person there is
For once I want to shout out to the world
– bluntly shouting “SHUT UP!”
The last time I saw my grandfather – it was Father’s Day. In fact, that was his last Father’s Day.
I am not afraid of things. After all the shit that I’ve been through, I am tough enough to say that you cannot faze me anymore. But if there’s one thing that I am most afraid of – that’s probably the possibility of failing him, yeah, failing my granddad. It’s mainly because he believed and right now, I am on the process of giving up. Sometimes I still hold on with that littlest flicker there is and I somehow believe in dreams, I get to forgive people and I stay calm and it’s all because I know he still believes up until this point.
I am already used to people giving up on me and that’s the toughest reality I have to take in. It will leave you with dents somewhere in your being. You’ll fall in deep pits but then in those darkest moments his smile flashes in my head and it somehow makes everything better. In fact, some mornings that’s the only single reason I have to get up.
There are times that I want to give everything just to see and talk to him again. Sometimes I want to excuse myself and i want to talk him out of his dreams for me. I want to give excuses for the failures that I have somehow manage to gather in with me. I want to tell him that growing up sucks and I want to say sorry for all the things that I may have done that resulted to things falling down in pieces in front me. I just want to say sorry that I failed and I want him to know that the ground that I am standing on is, right now, a thin ice and it will break soon. And most times, I want him to save me.
But for him, I just want to at least survive and maybe, just maybe, make it up to him someday.
I always brace myself for splashes and crashes and doom. I always try to at least kneel if it’s impossible to stand up. I always try. And I want my granddad to know that I am still trying.
I miss you so much Lolo…
Happy Father’s Day!