Watercolor Chronicles #1: Watercolor Roses

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I was attempting to paint roses, because I have this huge obsession on wanting to watercolor one for the longest time, so yesterday I tried on painting one and it turned out to be great! (Not that I have not practiced a lot on painting them yesterday too because heck I have a ton of scratches with only roses on them hehe!)

So yes, the piece above is my brain working on being frustrated with watercolor roses and some angst-y lines that pops in my head once in a while AND my “pasmado” hands trying to write artistically, steadily, legibly.

I hope you all liked it. =)

That Man

He stands tall and smiles around
Don’t got teeth but laugh out loud
I remember him gentle
But definitely strong
Mind clear
Opinions solid
But it clouds sometimes when I whine

I miss the days when he lifts me up
Cooing as my eyes start to water
He tells stories, encouraging to spark dreams

I miss the days when he is here
When everything is still near possible
I do not believe impossibilities then
I face each day head strong
Chin up
Knowing that there is someone who believes

I wish I can have the outlook of that man
Exuding the positiveness that he managed to posses
Seeing the glint of light in dimness

He thought me to chuckle in tears
Stand up when I’m down
– but what about now?
I am lonely and down
Catching falling debris all around
– grabbing matches, seeking candles, igniting flames

I wish I am half as good as he is
as half as proud as he is
as positive as he is
as head strong
as though
as that man I used to know

I’ll make it up to you someday grandpa,
This time,
I really promise~!

Static Noises

I always try to tune out
but they always grab me to tune in again
I wish I could just tune out
– turning off everybody’s brain as I walk and think of me first
This is the problem I have
– wanting to get away form everybody for once and think of me again
I want to tune out for life
I want to tune out forever
I want to just be me
– trashing this TV antenna inside every person
I want my own cable TV or a satellite dish
I want to tune out and mute out every single person there is
For once I want to shout out to the world
– bluntly shouting “SHUT UP!”

And It Hit Me

The last time I saw my grandfather – it was Father’s Day. In fact, that was his last Father’s Day.

I am not afraid of things. After all the shit that I’ve been through, I am tough enough to say that you cannot faze me anymore. But if there’s one thing that I am most afraid of – that’s probably the possibility of failing him, yeah, failing my granddad. It’s mainly because he believed and right now, I am on the process of giving up. Sometimes I still hold on with that littlest flicker there is and I somehow believe in dreams, I get to forgive people and I stay calm and it’s all because I know he still believes up until this point.

I am already used to people giving up on me and that’s the toughest reality I have to take in. It will leave you with dents somewhere in your being. You’ll fall in deep pits but then in those darkest moments his smile flashes in my head and it somehow makes everything better. In fact, some mornings that’s the only single reason I have to get up.

There  are times that I want to give everything just to see and talk to him again. Sometimes I want to excuse myself and i want to talk him out of his dreams for me. I want to give excuses for the failures that I have somehow manage to gather in with me. I want to tell him that growing up sucks and I want to say sorry for all the things that I may have done that resulted to things falling down in pieces in front me. I just want to say sorry that I failed and I want him to know that the ground that I am standing on is, right now, a thin ice and it will break soon. And most times, I want him to save me.

But for him, I just want to at least survive and maybe, just maybe, make it up to him someday.

I always brace myself for splashes and crashes and doom. I always try to at least kneel if it’s impossible to stand up. I always try. And I want my granddad to know that I am still trying.

I miss you so much Lolo…
Happy Father’s Day!
:)

Excerpt #1

Just move your things in. The spare key is on the dining table. Just go put your things wherever. It doesn’t really matter. -PCY

That’s it. That’s how his life begins with the Park kid. Summarized on the last line of a sticky note pasted on his front door.

A/N: Excerpt from the thing that I am writing right now… And if you’re in the fandom that I am also in; Yes, this is a part of a fanfic

Untitled #1 [2015]

Honey, there will be no stars tonight
– there will not be any for the following weeks here after
The sun will barely peek
and the skies will be often gray
The soil moist most of the time
and tears will run from clouds to the ground
A gloomy sight indeed
– but I don’t want you to be sad
Do not mope and be depressed all around
Don’t frown because the rays are not shining

A/N: Believe me when I say that this is unfinished. I was opting on adding more lines but I can’t think of lines anymore and my head just went blank. This is the product of my half-buffering brain. I hope you liked it… :)

Callused Foot

at first –
I was just running away from people
from inssecant nagging
and endless shouting
I was just running away
– just running away

and then I woke up
one day
and I am already running again
– this time, I am running away from my self
from all I am
afraid of who I will become

All my days I am running
escaping
away from you even from me
I don’t know who have caused it
but I am still running
from who and for who
– I don’t even care anymore

what matters right now is my escape
and I am afraid that I am trapped
See, I don’t know if this will end
I don’t know if this is a trap or a dead end
but I want to run still
I know I am not safe here

I am not safe from anyone
– not even me