This fondness is getting old,
I need a new one
Your eyes are not sparkling like they used to,
I need new windows to look upon
Your eyelashes are not as pretty anymore,
you need to go

My heart isn’t beating good for you,
maybe I should need to get checked
It never flutters for a long time now,
No butterflies, no anything anymore
The candies are not even sweet
they are now  bland

It’s funny that feelings do get old
There are no more green, it our grassland of gold
Feelings does fly out the window right?
I wish it wasn’t but it does
My intentions were not really that shallow before
But, right now, you need to go


I hate being in hospitals;
Through its white walls embeds the irony
of people getting killed and getting better
Only 2 ways out;
Dead or alive

Just like schools
Through its smiley faces hides the boiling pressure
of children getting through and getting caught
Sane or insane, as imaginative or less imaginative
Although not as deadly but as equally scarred

Just like work places
Through the huge amount salary lies a lie of pseudo-happiness
of adults laughing though crying
of dreams being forgotten for good
It is as deadly but not as painful, or so they think?

Just like a home
Through the harmony are deep buried conflicts
of immaturity and shallow understanding
Are they dysfunctional? Are they really happy?
It will not kill you immediately, but slowly it will creep out somehow

Just like dreams
Through the optimism lingers doubt
of confidence and might
Whether you’ll get there or not
It will leave you insane, it will leave you dead

Just like yourself
Through you I can see tons of insecurity
of competition and questions of ‘am I good enough?’
It will left 2 options;
Kill yourself or Fight it, and breathe through it, ALIVE


I have been like this since you have said yes,
I’ve been numb

All the things on Earth can’t even make me shed a single tear
All the pains can’t even make me sob

Maybe even if all the clowns would gather,
I wouldn’t even give a smile

I felt indifferent,
I am in the middle

Or it’s just…
I don’t know what to feel

I want to know what to feel
I want to feel

If I am frustrated,
I want to throw things at you

If I am upset,
I want to punch you

If I have the slightest tinge of sadness,
I at least want to frown

I want to be hysterical!
I want to be ridiculous!

I want to feel the lightness
if I am happy

I want to feel the joy
if I am enlightened

I want to jump
if this is success

But nothing came

I want to feel something

I want to feel things

You tell me

How should I feel about you

and her

Right in My Kokoro

Rainbows and glitters are spewing everywhere
You just smiled

The world turned a whole 360 a hundred times
You just grinned

My whole being was shattered, never coming back right
You just said hi!

My life was never an anime, a cartoon, or a manga
You just had to exist

Now I don’t know if it’s a whole or you have just broken it
but you’re not the one who I want to strangle right now

Because if someone just had hit me
It’s not you

I have to protest to that cherub
and demand back my Kokoro back!

Not Right Now

There are sprinkles of white dusts
yellow light blasting out

Please don’t make this romantic

A slight touch
and a pang of thoughts

No I don’t adore you

I want to cover my self up
and still go back to where I am

My feet won’t follow my mind

I was there
Trailing where you left

But I am not going to run after you

There are sheds of light
Shreds of sweetness

I never fully understood why

Your lips were just tugging upward
whether it was a grin or a smile

I liked it

But it was never me
Will never be me

I hate it

I hope one day when I open a window
When it emits light

I will smile

I hope when it is open
And I can already accept

I will be alright

I hope when I decided that I am whole again
Ready to face the sky

Someone will love me

…and I will love again


How many buckets
of flowers
of tears
of fears
…do we still need to fill up for you to go?

How many rows
of dandelions
of glitters
of bubbles
…do we still need to blow up until she notice you?

How many days
of sleeplessness
of tiredness
of industriousness
…do we still need to invest for her to say yes?

How many miles
of running
of walking
of jumping
…do I still need to do for you to see?

How much time
of waiting
of blabbering
of talking
…do I still need to do for you to hear?

How much amount
of weirdness
of patience
of understanding
…do I still need to go through for you to notice